Autistic Hoya: Tired

Autistic Hoya: Tired: Trigger warning: This is mostly about ableism and a response to other, very triggering things, as well as including lots of direct quotes of...

Emergency Care Centers - Keeping our pets healthy and safe or abusing our furry loved ones?

After experiencing a rather horrible day at a regional emergency care veterinarian's office, I've been thinking about how our pets have no guaranteed quality emergency care options. While most local veterinarians are good doctors, they are not usually available for after hours or holiday care. And when the vets are closed, we have to turn to urgent care centers that seem to have little in mind, other than charging triple and even quadruple fees. 

Why aren't there better options for our beloved pets? No pet owner should ever have to make their pet suffer and die painfully because they can't afford the entire cost of treatment that day. These centers will make no payment arrangements - such as a percentage now, a percentage later. Nor will they consider knocking off a few dollars to save a pets life. They will point you to a credit company who, if approved, charges to the tune of 30% interest. But a lot of people in this economy, don't get approved.

Physician's take the Hippocratic oath. Hospitals generally guarantee emergency care treatment even to those who can pay nothing. But when it comes to our pets, it seems Veterinarian's have no responsibility. We are given no options - pay upfront in cash or watch your furry family member die in agony. And when you cannot pay 100% of the bill, they tell you that there is nothing they can or will do for your pet.  It seems to me this is a form of extortion bordering animal abuse. 

Today's animal advocacy organizations (such as spay and neuter and adoption agencies) should also work towards better and more cost-effective urgent care for our pets. While it's understood medicine costs money, there is very little reason these centers cannot work payment arrangements for a pet who without care, will die. But they won't. And those pet owners must walk away with their suffering pet in hand and watch them die in a cruel and heartless way. 

That is just so wrong.

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anecdote: Our cat Morris had a urinary obstruction - which is fatal within 12-24 hours. We were told that it would cost nearly $2000 for treatment, payable immediately less than one week after Christmas. When I tried to explain we didn't have that much cash on hand, I was told "You need to pay for the procedure or he will die a painful and horrible death." They refused to work out any payment arrangements. They told me I had to "decide" what I wanted to do. But there were no choices given as we simply didn't have that kind of money available. In the end, they agreed to do an outpatient treatment for nearly $500. But they were very sure to tell me multiple times that this would probably not save his life. He is still kicking today. I'm hopeful he will recover albeit touch and go. But I will never ever forget the horrible way I and my beloved, Morris, were treated that day.

1-2-2012 Update - Morris is doing pretty well today. Going to his regular vet for some REAL care at 3:15 EST. Will keep you posted.

Merry CHRISTmas! If Jesus was born today, in the United States. A speculation.

If the Christmas story happened today, in the United States...

Conservatives would demonize the girl for her loose values and would not expect Joseph to stick around for someone else's kid. They would pressure Mary to consider adoptive options because an unmarried teen mother is surely unfit to raise a child.

Mary would be considered a teen mom and might be offered a slot on the MTV reality show. She would be turned down, however, once she told the story of the immaculate conception - can you say CRAZY? After this, she decides not to talk about the Father.

Jesus would be born in a hospital where no one but immediate family and close friends could visit. Because her family is shamed, she is alone.

As a single mother, Mary would live in a poverty stricken area. Mary would take a minimum wage job working as many hours as she could to make ends meet.

Due to lack of access to nutritional foods, Jesus would become an obese and sickly child. Because he is an ethnic child, he is discriminated against and bullied in school, often being labeled a "Middle Eastern Terrorist."

Jesus would not be taught a trade. Instead, he would take a night job working at the local 7-11 while attending high school during the day. His academic grades would suffer and eventually he would drop out by age 16.

The rest of the story is pretty much what one expects of a child raised in poverty who does not complete his education.

We should all stop and think before we pass judgement on those less fortunate, especially during the Christmas Season. 

I'd Like to Forget

I write this because it's September 11th, now some sort of weird celebratory memorial of something horrendous that happened 10 years ago. I "do" remember it vividly - I was mildly traumatized by the events having been a new Mom with a kiddo at daycare and seeing jets fly over my house in Western PA like Armageddon had begun. To this day, I believe I witnessed Flight 93 flying over our home then in Sharon, PA. It truly was a horrific for people everywhere - our illusion of security was brought to the ground - literally. 

But what is more memorable to me is the events that followed. When we watched the Presidential addresses that would follow, it became clear the attacks were being used [abused] as a smokescreen to wage war. This sticks out in my mind more vividly than anything else that happened. Rather than secure our borders and make our nation safe, we would wage more pain and suffering on what was now "the enemy" (defined as anyone who didn't support our war mongering). But in effort to suppress our insecurity, the president would create a puppet cabinet from which the director, Tom Ridge, would eventually resign when the incumbent asked him to raise the nation's terror alert right before the elections, presumably to help secure a second presidential term. The Department of Homeland Security became laughable as our "Terror Threat" remained "yellow" with no real measure of reason.

When Iraq was formally brought up as a source of Al Qaeda, it became crystal clear that our nation's leadership was no longer concerned with "we the people."

Today, thousands more have died and are still are dying. This to me, is what we should never forget. One day's tragedy has turned into a lifetime of suffering and loss for people all over the world. I will never forget September 11 because today, the horror of its aftermath still continues.

From Cafe Press - Autism Awareness month update

Autism Awareness month update: "Over the past 24 hours we’ve received messages from the community expressing concern for our decision to donate a percent of proceeds from Autism related products to Autism Speaks. The response we’ve received takes us a bit by surprise, as this is our third year partnering with Autism Speaks and the first year we’ve heard [...]"

How to Profit from Your Enemies - by Autism$peaks

NOTE: 4-8-2011 Update Follows at End of Article- Cafe Press' Response


During my morning Facebook check in routine, I stumbled on a post by a fellow advocate, Paula C. Durbin-Westby. The post stated simply,

If you have a Cafe Press site and have the word "autism" in your product name or line of products, 10% of the final sales purchase will be donated to Autism Speaks. If you don't like your site being used in that way you can contact Cafe Press.

For those unfamiliar, Cafe Press is reseller of personal logo-wear and accessories. Every day "joe's" can upload their logo and have their own store front. Cafe Press keeps the profits, but stores are encouraged to mark up prices as to make a small profit on everything they sell.  As a member of non-profit who hosts a logo shop at Cafe Press, I was a bit curious as to how this Autism Speaks campaign could possibly work. I went to their blog where they give the details http://blog.cafepress.com/2011/04/05/a-voice-for-autism

Here you find the details of the promotion.

* An amount equal to 10% of the final purchase price for all products tagged with “autism” and sold through CafePress.com Marketplace during April 1, 2011 through April 30, 2011 will be donated to Autism Speaks

Key in the promotional guideline is this - for all products tagged with “autism." Store owners use tags to help market their products. For instance, if you search for autism at the site, Cafe Press will return results with this tag. I probably do not need to tell you that anyone can use any tag whether its to help or hurt a cause.

Perhaps Cafe Press is unaware of the millions of dollars Autism Speaks rapes from the people in the name of helping those with Autism. Thing is, they are a grassroots organization in name only. They do not "give back" to the communities who fund them. They profit and divvy that profit up among their high paid executives. In 2009, Autism Speaks paid out more to their internal employees than all that they spent on research and advocacy. Their IRS 990 form is here. I'm no mathematician but thankfully others are better. Here's a nice breakdown of how Autism Speaks spent their money from a fellow blogger:

http://www.bothhandsandaflashlight.com/2009/08/14/autism-speaks-salaries-gone-wild/

That's just the tip of the iceberg, really considering they have now surpassed popularity of other Autism organizations who preceded them. I can only imagine what 2010's 990 will look like.

But lets look at a bigger problem. Autism Speaks does NOT support self advocacy. Autism Speaks has gone as far as to sue a 14 year old Autistic teen over a blog that denounced them. That story can be found here:

http://autisticbfh.blogspot.com/2008/01/autism-speaks-silences-autistic-child.html

The gist is that a teen made a parody site called NT Speaks that denounced intolerance. And though she did not use Autism Speaks logos, she designed the site to be similar in look and feel. And though this is not considered a copyright infringement according to law (parody sites are exempt), their high-powered attorney used intimidation and threats and made her destroy the source code for the web site.

There's more. Over the years, Autistics have been trying to sit on Autism Speaks board of directors. They will NOT allow someone with Autism to infiltrate the organization. That says it all to me. Autism Speaks who has been notoriously vocal against the very people it supposedly supports, has found a way to profit from them.

So, if you shop at a store that promotes Neurodiversity you are inadvertently donating to Autism Speaks. If as a store owner you have tagged any of your items with "autism," they are getting 10% of the sale. 

I posted a rather to the point comment on their blog that has been awaiting moderation for roughly four hours and counting. I'm not the only one. Others have posted comments that are either being ignored or sat on until the smoke clears. [update: Cafe Press did not approve my comment as of 4-7-2011, it's no longer pending or there. No one else's comments exist either].

Perhaps Cafe Press is now scrambling to undo the mess. Or perhaps they have a vested interest in Autism Speaks. But I for one, am considering cutting business ties with them. No matter how or why they chose this campaign, it was in bad form to presume that their clients would happily contribute to an organization.


4-8-2011 Update
I received this response from Cafe Press regarding the issue:


Thank you for your blog comment; we appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts on our Autism Awareness program. Over the past 24 hours we’ve received many other messages expressing concern for our decision to donate a percent of proceeds to Autism Speaks.

The response we’ve received takes us a bit by surprise, as this is our third year partnering with Autism Speaks and the first year we’ve heard concerns voiced about specific organizations or their approaches. That said, as a community-based business we feel it is important to listen and respond to our users’ concerns. You helped us to understand an adjustment to this program is needed. We have learned a lot about Autism in the process and feel privileged to be a part of the national conversation about supports for individuals and families facing the challenge of Autism.

For this year we’ve already made a commitment to Autism Speaks, and we do not want to go back on our promise to them, but we do want to add another charitable organization to split the money donated and balance our support to other Autism related good works. We’re asking our community to choose the specific Autism support charity that will receive ½ of the money raised through sales of Autism related goods.

If you’re interested in voting on this additional charitable initiative, or want to suggest one not on our list, please visit http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/X8QNK3N.

While we know this may not answer or solve all of your concerns, we hope it helps to show our commitment to the community and to a dialogue about Autism support. Please know that we have nothing but the best intentions with our Autism Awareness donation plan and we hope you find our changes to the program palatable.

Best,
CafePress

Avoiding Scams, Haters and Bullies on Facebook

A recent "war" on a common Facebook group prompted me to write my own PSA (public service announcement) based on my findings and experience. About five years ago, I was approached by a scam artist who claimed to be a powerful lobbyist and the father of an Autistic child. My contact happened due to a Yahoo group. That was just the beginning of much more to come.

Once Facebook came to be the popular media it is now, this scammer appeared under so many different fake profiles, I lost count. Today, he still continues this crime while preying on desperate families and their wallets.

There are at least a couple of "real" parents of Autistic children who on their real profiles, advocate. Yet, they too, have fake profiles where they stalk, bully and badmouth others. Why? I can only speculate - mental health issues themselves, anger at life in general? Who knows.

There's another trend on Facebook. People with odd fetishes can be found faking their identity in order to find individuals who will play into their hands (aka fetish fantasies). Often these folks disguise themselves as being disabled or a big fan of something in order to infiltrate a group. They attempt to engage others in odd fantasy. Often, these folks appear to have personality disorders and like to stir up controversy. They choose very hardened sides and claim to be victims of the other side. This method works wonders at getting people to interact with them (I'm so sorry so-and-so is treating you this way. I'll be your friend!). The victim thinks this person is really hurt and tries to help. What the victim doesn't know is that he/she is playing right into the hands of a scam or fantasy seeking individual.

Then of course there are the real people, with real anger who thrive on controversy. These people spew hate speech and blame others for their own plight. They often libelously label real people. They slant truths and propagate lies. These are severely unhappy people.

Others are what I refer to as "the collective." They are desperate to find answers, seek understanding and are easily sold snake oil. They throw away their past values and thinking and exchange it for the ideals of the group. The more the group discusses issues, a phenomenon called Groupthink happens. Groupthink is defined as a mode of thinking that occurs when the desire for harmony overrides a realistic appraisal of the situation. This phenomenon is fed by overconfidence of group members, conformity, self-justification and polarization. When a member of the group questions the ideals of the group, they are usually ostracized from the group or punished in some social manner. To explain the toxic behavior of the previous innocent member, psychology also notes "the foot in the door phenomenon." This is the tendency for people who have first agreed to small requests (i.e. do not associate with group x any longer) soon will comply with larger requests (i.e. badmouth group x members publicly). This phenomenon explains how seemingly typical parents can often become venomous when the ideals of their group (collective) are challenged.

What can you do to protect yourself from the above?

Fake Profiles

Be wary that fakes are out there. Do not blindly accept friend requests on Facebook. Do a little research first. You can often see the Facebook Walls of scammers - they rarely lock down their fake profiles. What's on their wall? Most real persons will have conversations about more topics than just one. We often comment on the weather, the week we had, something exciting in our lives. We often have friends and family commenting on mutual subjects. What we do not have is narrowly focused posts on one topic.

Fakes often have a lot of friends making them seem legitimate. Even some mutual friends. Do not be fooled. These people put a lot of time into creating fake families with real photos. They often accumulate friends by playing Facebook games and of course, asking for friendships to anyone and everyone with a common interest (Autism, for example). When in doubt, do not "friend" someone. Better safe than sorry.

Once you find a fake - block them! Do not engage them. They are for sure, looking for any interaction, positive or negative. Remember, any public feedback whether negative or positive makes them appear so much more real.

Haters

Click - Account - Privacy Settings - Edit Block List. Add them. Enough said. You will not, cannot and certainly should not try to convert these people.

The Borg (aka Collective)

Just steer clear. There is little you can do here as well. They have found an "accepting" group who has promised to love them as long as they fulfill the group's mission. If they become toxic, do not respond. Block them if necessary. Do not friend them or remove them if they are already on your friends list.

Conclusion

There are multitudes of scams, fakes and haters on Facebook. Responding to any of them, in any manner only helps their agenda. We can effectively stop Facebook bullying by ignoring it. Though they may be spewing misinformation, engaging them will only help them further their mission. Fight misinformation with real information. But do so in a way that does not engage the person who misinformed.

My mother always said "kill them with kindness." I say, "kill them with apathy."